July 18, 2011

On Metaphysical Reality and the Reality of Reality TV in Salem

"Love your blog, Tom! You've got all the good gossip!"

Oops. I thought I was kind of like doing the news? I like to take advantage of my unique perspective of the goings on in Salem in order to inform others. I don't mean to gossip.

And today I have a few different things to get into.

Firstly, in a move that has got some Salem witches clutching their crystal balls the City Council decided to temporarily suspend the issuance of licenses to new psychics! The Salem News quoted the councilor-at-large as saying "This is a loophole here, and we want to be able to tighten it up." She also wouldn't say which business was taking advantage of this loophole, but I know who they are!

Here I need to quickly bring up the point and make it very clear to outsiders or those who don't know the full story, that this entire issue is pure business on all sides and has nothing to do with keeping Salem psychics authentic (lol, I know, I know...). I have to make the point that some people would consider taking advantage of a loophole an intelligent business decision. In this case it's not necessarily something I would personally do, but I am not going to judge these people for their choices.

See, the way it works, a shop has to be more than half (51% to be precise) "metaphysical" in nature in order to be allowed to get a psychic license. This is to make sure that every single shop downtown doesn't hire fly-by-night psychics for tourist season (although some still get away with it). So when one local business didn't make the 51% mark their lawyer noticed this trick: you can just start a second company that is located in the same shop. See, it's not based on how much merchandise you have, it's based on sales, so if there are two cash registers each dedicated to it's own company you can do psychic readings from your newly created company which is truly absolutely metaphysical considering metaphysics is the study of the nature of reality and it's questionable whether or not the company actually exists.

And, following that line of thought for a moment, how the holy quantum hell does the city define "metaphysical"? Does this mean if I had an art store that sold Man Ray and Picasso pieces I could have fortune tellers? The study of metaphysics is, in a way, the study of the study of things (and often times the study of the study of the study of...[etc. ad infinitum]... things)., so it's not necessarily spirituality, it is philosophical and surreal. In an existentialist's nightmare this term could technically include every single business that exists. In fact, it could specifically apply to non-existent businesses.

I think I just blew my mind.

The other big news in town is the hype surrounding the upcoming reality show The Young Witches of Salem. And when I say hype I mean it... LOT'S of local organizations are involved, The World of Witches Museum, Magick TV, The Temple of Tituba, WitchSchool.com, and even The First Chancellor and First Elder of the Corellian tradition of witchcraft located right here in Salem!

Are you excited?! Is the hype making you desperate to see the reality behind being a young witch living in Salem working in the tourist industry??? Is the finger holding down your shift button twitching with anticipation leaving a few exclamation points as ones??

Well before you get too excited check out this hilarious commercial that I file under "snarks itself".


Let me break it down for you: Witch School, the World of Witches Museum, Magick TV, ALL of the above mentioned organizations are actually creations of two dudes. And not just any two dudes, but two whom are infamous throughout the national pagan community for their get rich quick schemes. Don't get me wrong, these guys have both been super nice to me and their intentions always seem sincere, but their insistence that every single new project they have is going to revolutionize witchcraft and that they are at the forefront of the most modern technological advances in marketing is getting a little old. Everyone knows they lucked out by getting witchschool.com and the name is 90% of what sells it. It's their cash cow and they are bored with the milk and want to make gourmet cheese with it. But really, if the site was so successful it wouldn't look like something Richard Langly, Melvin Frohike and John Fitzgerald Byers created using HTML in 1994. With all the business pitches and press releases all the time, I am starting to see why some people compare them to two specific cartoon characters.

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